I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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