Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
