did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
