I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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