LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're breaking my sexual little heart
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
