Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
