I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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