There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
