My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
