dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
worst night to have a conscience
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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