just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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