I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
