I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
