SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
