he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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