I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize