I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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