I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
