woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
