can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize