she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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