I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
