Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
