Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
