Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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