I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
