I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
