I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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