you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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