I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize