the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
