so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize