It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
