2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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