Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
