Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
