talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
