i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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