she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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