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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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