Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
