when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
