Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize