weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
