I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
