Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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