marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
a search helicopter?!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
