OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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