I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
