I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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