The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT