I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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