Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.

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  (407): also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask. http://tfl.nu/a5xa
  Replies (7) Good night (1666) Bad night (447)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"

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  (414): He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly" http://tfl.nu/s1qp
  Replies (41) Good night (788) Bad night (4915)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up

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  (502): I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up http://tfl.nu/gsij
  Replies (27) Good night (7545) Bad night (758)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"

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  (401): You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk" http://tfl.nu/xogg
  Replies (13) Good night (6158) Bad night (1038)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

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  (807): I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature. http://tfl.nu/rbpc
  Replies (47) Good night (6525) Bad night (1165)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.

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  (201): Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs. http://tfl.nu/3fsr
  Replies (19) Good night (5308) Bad night (1093)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener

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  (970): she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener http://tfl.nu/dutw
  Replies (6) Good night (2502) Bad night (1205)
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  (585): View more from New York

  yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.

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  (585): yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign. http://tfl.nu/yitg
  Replies (10) Good night (3207) Bad night (864)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.

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  (614): just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am. http://tfl.nu/mpww
  Replies (10) Good night (2565) Bad night (1695)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.

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  (512): I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured. http://tfl.nu/n2gu
  Replies (6) Good night (2332) Bad night (622)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.

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  (701): Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend. (701): The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer. http://tfl.nu/9cgs
  Replies (7) Good night (2111) Bad night (925)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..

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  (701): Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover.. http://tfl.nu/al9t
  Replies (9) Good night (1583) Bad night (973)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.

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  (801): Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches. http://tfl.nu/nznf
  Replies (3) Good night (591) Bad night (1818)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof

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  (614): Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof http://tfl.nu/erp7
  Replies (13) Good night (755) Bad night (2437)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"

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  (416): I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!" http://tfl.nu/406w
  Replies (3) Good night (608) Bad night (256)

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