I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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