Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?