just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you never un-have a 4some
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it