Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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