So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
