Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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