I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
