i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
