it hurts more in the daytime
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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