I'm so fucking centered right now
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
