if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
