Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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