I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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