Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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