he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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