I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
