dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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