its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
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