made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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