the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
