sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
