I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
