found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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