so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
