Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
