he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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