Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize