Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
