I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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