He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
