she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
