can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
