Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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