i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
